Dear Valentine,
Yesterday you allowed me to see something that I did not understand until later on. It wasn’t something that I was looking for. It’s just something that came across my view. But what I saw kind of threw off my day. I became agitated, irritated, just pathetic. When I had finally gotten to the point to where I became over it, all was well. What I saw still sat in the back of my mind, but it didn’t bother me like it had earlier in the day. I watched the movie of a couple go from middle school to high school with all these dreams to be together forever and what I saw came back to me like a ton of bricks. So when the movie ended I do what many single mothers do in pain. Turn the shower on, turn the music up as loud as I can, get in the shower, and cry my heart out to you. But, instead of thinking about everything that is going wrong, even though that’s how my cry started out, I begin to think about everything you do right. You make everything happen for a reason. If you did not allow me to see what I saw on yesterday, I would not have thought to release myself from whomever I needed to release myself from. I would not have broken soul ties that needed to be broken from my life. A few hours before Valentine’s Day, I cried my heart out to you. Told you how much I love you. I told you how much I needed you. I released my heart to you. I released my life to you. I released my soul and my spirit to you. I fully submitted my life to you. And as I watched the water go down the drain of the tub, I proclaimed the tears in that same water go down the drain forever. I will not have to cry about this again. I told you how I still have the faith to believe in you and Trust in the plan you have for me. I told you I wanted my desire to match your plan and purpose for my life. I believe you are going to give me the desires of my heart because I totally depend on you to have my heart and never break it. I love you. You have my heart Forever and always.
Signed,
Your child.
I allowed you to enter through my heart this time, thinking things just might be different this go ‘round.
We begin at a slow pace, close to the middle but not quite there yet. As you gaze lovingly into my eyes, telling me what I want to hear, you spin us slowly with your foot hanging off the side. Having full control now, you’re to your feet spinning me faster and faster, but instead of love in your eyes, there’s fear. Fear of allowing me to make it to that middle chamber which holds the very depth of you, your heart under lock and key. I look away as to not become distracted for the task at hand, to stand as we spin. Stand for you, stand for me, stand for us. Your heart, I hold the key but I’m getting sick to get to this lock. If I can just get there, the fear would cease, I pray. As I build up my strength to take step by step, you’re no longer focused on me. Your hands are in your pockets. You’re walking away until your body is now dark. I spin and spin as it starts to rain, light showers, light thunder, but I sit now just waiting for you to come back and ride with me. Now the ride has completely stopped and all sickness and dizziness relieved. I make my way to the chamber to find there’s no heart, no lock, no key. The very thing I struggled for, became sick for, fought like hell for, compromised myself and what I believe in for, is gone. Then, in the distance there’s a light. The light appears to be similar to my previous designation, another chamber, but it has no lock, the door is open, just open. I step off the ride with no hesitation, no thoughts besides just getting there. As I get closer, I see the chamber is on another ride and you’re there spinning another round, gazing lovingly into her eyes, telling her what she wants to hear with your foot hanging off the side.
Heartbreak, just like Love, is universal. Everyone has experienced it. Some of us have experienced it from family, a significant other, and, even our children. From my own experience, I believe, the biggest issue I may possess is I put a lot of trust and faith in people. I’m the type of person where I always “give the benefit of the doubt”. I have found this to be a blessing and a curse, at times. There’s a blessing in giving people a chance. Sometimes that chance may have been just what they needed to move forward. Now, that chance can be beneficial to you or a life-learned lesson for you, either way that lesson hurt and maybe even more because you took that chance, even after being hurt previously. What I’ve learned through this process is it never stops us from trying again. No matter how many pieces the heart may break into, I’m learning it can always be mended and there’s ALWAYS a blessing believing that much. The featured poets wrote about different types of Heartbreak that we all have felt at one point in time or, even, right at this very moment. Enjoy.
The Vision Blogger 