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About Me, Events, Motivation & Inspiration, Purpose, Vision

10 Years Later: From Grief to Glory

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Here I am. 10 years later.

Feel free to play the song as you read.

It’s amazing how we all just move throughout this world and you look up and so much time has passed. If you would have told me I would be where I am right now 10 years ago, I would’ve thought you were stone crazy. Amazingly enough, one of the greatest things I love about God is He uses what He trusts us to go through to grow us up and show us how strong we really are. Boy, have I grown up and seen what I never thought I would ever become.

“Mr. Sauls has passed on.” While the doctors are asking me about all of the medication he was on, I scream and hyperventilate while thinking of my children, who I now have to tell that their father is no longer coming home as he always has after going into the hospital.

This day, 10 years ago, changed my life forever. I remember it like it was yesterday. I won’t go into full detail, but I found myself in a hospital waiting room, hearing words I thought I would never hear. “Mr. Sauls has passed on.” While the doctors are asking me about all of the medication he was on, I scream and hyperventilate while thinking of my children, who I now have to tell that their father is no longer coming home as he always has after going into the hospital. After the doctors leave out the room, the only words I could scream in that moment is, “God, I still trust you,” over and over again. I didn’t care who I was disturbing. I didn’t care who tried to calm me down. I had to scream it until I believed it and God has never stopped testing that scream. In fact, I’m being tested in this very moment, but my scream to believe, then, has now, 10 years later, turned into a worship to honor the God who saved my life.

I am currently enrolled in an incredible Bible class with my Pastor, Dr. Robert Bailey, Jr. and “Come Here Scripture Bible Institute” that is not only teaching me how and what to study, but how to effectively apply it to my life and help others on their journey in God. Our class was asked to go back to the time when we were saved and/or got delivered. Now, I’ve been in church all of my life and always believed God was real, but I don’t believe I experienced Him the way I have in these last 10 years. So much went on in my childhood that wasn’t as horrible as it could have been, when I think about it, but it made it hard to see God in those times, for myself. I saw what I was told was God happen for so many people. He became real to me when I felt like I had nothing left and no other choice but to lean and depend on Him. 10 years ago, I was no longer holding onto other people’s experience with God. He showed up for me and showed me who He really was and could be in my life.

I am grateful for a lot of things, but one of the things I am most grateful for is God could have made me anything in this world, but He created me to be a worshipper and a believer in Him and His Word. No matter how late it may seem it took for me to finally learn who He really is, I wouldn’t change the when or how because it all served a purpose.

“Provision doesn’t always look like a blessing.” -Bri Will

My sister, Bri Will, said something one day that resonates with me on a daily. “Provision doesn’t always look like a blessing.” Provision, for me, 10 years ago, came through grief; losing someone I thought I would never be able to live without. Through that grief, I was shown who and whose I really am. I was shown that God had His hand on me all the time and that is why I will worship Him with every breath I am given.

My brother, Benjamin Bailey, who I have learned so much from in these last 10 years about God, praise, worship, and so much more, was given the task, by God, to have Worship Encounters. Himself and other leaders come in to speak on different topics involving worshipping God in a way that is not talked about as often as it should. We are, also, learning how to effectively worship and lead a life of a worshipper of Christ because it’s not just in your song; it’s in your life. For a long time, before I got saved (LOL), I thought worship was just a slow song that made you cry. Through these encounters, that are open to the public, we have experiences that are not always heard of or put together for the reason of uplifting God and reaching those that were like me, who didn’t truly know what worship was. Worship is life and it has been a key to unlock so many eye-opening experiences with God. The worship we experience at these encounters are mind-blowing and pure.

Meet me at the upcoming Worship Encounter.

That next Saturday after my children’s father passed, I woke up that morning, with my swollen eyes, realizing, again, that he was really gone. My mom came in the room to check on me several times, but that one time she came in, we talked about something that immediately lifted a burden from me. She walked out of the room and, in that very moment of peace, I worshipped as I listened to “Moving Forward” by Israel Houghton. It’s like God came in that room and sat next to me as I released my love to Him. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I was sad, but, one thing was and still is for sure, He came to see about me. Me…

So, where am I 10 years later? I am doing everything I thought I couldn’t. I am raising three AMAZING kids with the help of Christ and loved ones. I am learning more and more about myself daily and addicted to being and getting better with every stride. I am Alive. I am Redeemed. I am Free. I am Saved. I am His and I’ll worship Him forever. I am in awe of Him. He still wins me over.

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New Years’ Brunch: Journey to the High Place

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2025!!! What a ride and we are only in February!!! Sheesh!!! Nevertheless, here we are, riding the waves, being present, and celebrating EVERY win, big or small.

It’s crazy how I have been attempting to write this blog post since the second day of the year. Since 2025 began, I had the pleasure of attending Lady Tina Armstrong’s New Years’ brunch another year, I ended up getting very sick with a strand of what seemed like the flu the next day, and life just did what it does thereafter. Now, I am here sitting in a hospital room watching my oldest son experience, what we now can call, the greatest pain of his life, with just a little bit of time to write out this post describing my experience at an encounter that I consider the highlight of my year, and has been, for the past 7 years.

Let the Brunch Begin

We started off by getting comfortable. You get you some food, drinks, and meet and greet with the other ladies, who you just might be laid out on the floor with, covering, ministering to, or whatever God decides to lead you to do. One thing is always for sure, God always beats us there. The most amazing thing that I still become in awe over, is the fact that God already knows EXACTLY what we need before we place our names on the ballot to be apart of this encounter. So, He gives Lady Tina the activities and discussions that can only come from Himself to speak to each and every individual in the room. They speak to now, past, and future. Nothing lacking. Nothing missing.

My expectation going into just about any event is coming out with SOMETHING that will speak to me, my heart, or my situation. For the New Years’ Brunch, I make sure all are open to receive what God wants to say in the moment. I make sure I stay present and get everything I need. It’s one of the times I choose to be as selfish as I want to be, but, also, keeping myself ready and available to be used by God in any capacity.

The Notebook

After having a toast and prayer to the new year, we were all given a notebook with our names on it. First, we wrote affirmations for ourselves, what we thought about ourselves or what we were going to change for the upcoming year. After sharing a few of our affirmations, the notebook was given to the woman next to us to give encouraging words to, whether you knew her or not. Throughout the encounter, your notebook was passed around to several others in the room, which turned out to be strategically set up. I love activities like this because you don’t have to know a person, their story, what they have been through or even what they are going through presently to minister to them. What I have learned in those same activities is if you are steady and open enough, God will give you exactly what to say to each person. I can remember doing a similar activity at the Valentine’s Encounter last year. There were huge sheets of papers with each lady’s name on it and we were to write words of inspiration on each one. I recall starting off with what I thought every woman should hear or what I would want someone to tell me to encourage or inspire me. By the time I made it to about the second or third one, my words began to change and I became intentional as I ministered to my sister, whether I knew her or not. Of course, I went back to give the other two or three I started with their intentional inspirational words. With these notebooks, I didn’t have to overthink or wonder what to write. This was an intentional instance necessary for the building of my sister. I was still and let the pen do the work.

It Started with A Hug

Let me let you in on a little secret about Lady Tina Armstrong if you didn’t know. She is someone who don’t mind getting IN THERE, with you, whether you are at your highest or your lowest, no matter if you feel like you are far away, she’ll be there. This woman of God has and always will be a force to be reckoned with. She openly gives herself, and answers the call to what God gives her to dispense to others with no holding back, which in this case was in the form of a hug.

Don’t get me lying when you ask me what we were doing before this hug between Lady Tina, and another sister. What I do know is God came and swept the room from there. It almost felt like a ripple effect and each one of us were touched in some type of way. There was even a young lady who came in a little later and it was like she had no choice but to be overtaken by the fragrance that had already filled the room. The fragrance gave instructions to some, confirmation to others, opened a conversation between sisters, and ultimately ended with ladies pouring back into Lady Tina what she had just dispensed. Nothing was missing. Nothing lacking.

By the end of the sweep, we all just sat and laid around basking in the ambience of what just took place. Upon signing up to be apart of the encounter, Lady Tina asked us to read “Hinds’ Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard and bring a journal to exchange with another sister. We started to discuss the book. At that time, I had not read the book, but I was able to take in everyone’s account who had read it or at least started it.

“For the lessons of trust and acceptance must be learned in the valley before they can be practiced on the heights.” Hinds’ Feet On High Places

The book was an amazing story that I believe all of us can relate to. As we all go through this thing called life, we are led by the Shepherd and given companions, assignments, that can leave you disappointed and “much-afraid”, sometimes of even trying to get to that “high place”. Then, to top it off, the route to the place of freedom and purpose is not only not what we expect but filled with many detours, dark moments, and times where we are forced to face ourselves and trust the Shepherd more and more while embracing the lessons that were taught through the assignments, tests, and trials. So, we push and push until we reach a point in our lives where we have accepted what the Shepherd has allowed, no longer bound by fear, walking in confidence and joy, and we receive a new name. With our new name, we return to help others on their journeys to reach the place of freedom and purpose who may not have embraced the lessons and detours necessary to get to the “High Place”.

I never would’ve imagined all of detours I had to take just to get here. This month alone, I had to experience things I thought I never would have had to experience. Now, I may not have reached the “High Place”, but I’m definitely striving towards it and using what I have learned and endured to reach others, even my son as he gets through this recovery. My experience may not be his experience, but I sure have had my share of pulling through times I felt were the hardest parts of my life, embracing the lessons, accepting what God allows, all while keeping my faith and praising God for the good.

All in all, the strength I pulled, the encouraging affirmations from my sisters, the instructions from God given to me, and with the love I felt in that one day was necessary for my next. Needless to say, I look forward to New Years’ brunches every year. I need that one day, for me, to push me, to drive me to the next or at least up the side of the mountain to the “High Place”. Be Blessed.

Events, Motivation & Inspiration, Self-Love

My Heart Matters

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It’s so funny how God works. I tell myself all the time, I’m going to start back blogging and have so many other things going on that I put it off until the next day and the day after that until a whole year has passed. Since New Years’ Eve, I can honestly say, God has been pushing me with a wrecking ball to do those things I keep saying I’m going to do. I know what you’re thinking; wrecking ball may be a little harsh, but God is truly wrecking all of my ways of thinking and overthinking. This blog and this event Lady Tina Armstrong invited me to was apart of that truck with that ball on it. This even tugged on my heart strings, opened my mind to release and receive hearts, and pushed me to release things I didn’t need on my heart. Whew! Let’s get into it.

FYI, if you are from Houston, Texas, that E(ast) and W(est) at the end of an address makes a difference. Let’s just start right there. On the night of the event, I had to work, but was able to get off work in time so that I could be on time. Well, I put the address in the maps of my new car (Yay God!), and proceeded to what I thought was the route. I became so upset when I found I was at the wrong address but I pressed my way to the west side of the strip. As I walked in this valentine-theme decorated studio, first, I noticed the mirrors ALL OVER THE ROOM. I have a deal with them. Mirrors force you to see what others see and see yourself in a real and raw way if you use it properly, but we’ll definitely get to that. The first assignment of the night was to make sure that you knew everyone’s name in the room. There were four tables. Now, one table, I knew every last one of the ladies seated here. I gave my hugs and kisses to my sisters and continued to the other tables to meet the ladies who were going to become my sisters by the end of this night. After the meet and great, I headed to my seat, which was an empty table in the back. I knew I was going to sit here the moment I walked in this room. I was going to sit in the back so I can watch all of the happenings, but if you have ever been to an event put together by Lady Tina, there’s no sitting in the back and not being seen. There’s no hiding AT ALL.

As I got snuggled in my seat, in this area I thought I was going to be by myself in, others came over to introduce themselves and a young lady came to sit next to me. I’ve found that a lot of people, especially Christians, get weirded out when you throw around the word energy, but there was something about this young woman’s energy that drew me to her. Believe it or not, I am not an open person, meaning I’m not the life of the party to strangers, but here’s that wrecking ball again throwing me out there, forcing me to open myself up and leads me to our activities.

At every seat, each young lady had a bowl of goodies and a wooden heart. On this wooden heart, you had to write your name and “I Trust You” using the marker you were given in your bowl. Then, you were to take your heart and give it to another lady in the room. Now, for this task, the amazing part about it, was that I didn’t have to think long and hard about this. I knew exactly who I wanted to give my heart to, but I was in a pickle because I had two people, I wanted to share this moment with. I sat there for a moment, until I heard, “Can we break it?” Lady Tina states, “If that’s what you want to do.” A piece was given to the lady I connected with at the table for two reasons; one being drawn to her and the other being apart of my process of allowing others into my heart and trusting them with it. The other young lady I have known and worshipped with for years and over the last few years, I have been drawn to her throughout watching her in ministry and through our sisters’ group created a few years ago. I am all about learning from others that I see growing in an area I desire to be better at daily and I decided to trust her with my heart from that day forward. Funny thing is, while I was breaking my heart to give my two pieces away, the young lady I had watched for years and had set in my mind to give her my heart, she was bringing me her entire heart. As I am still trying to break my heart, I try to hold back tears because I didn’t even expect to have a heart given to me. It wasn’t because I didn’t feel worthy or up to the challenge, but I just didn’t look for it. As she is handing me her heart, I’m telling her that I was bringing my heart to her. This exchange scooped me up like a bulldozer. Right now, even in this moment, as I reflect on it, I’m still in awe. Both of us, having no idea what the other was thinking, we were both open enough to take that chance to give our hearts away to each other. Whew!

At the beginning of this encounter, there were long pieces of papers stuck to all the mirrors. Each woman wrote their name at the top of a sheet of paper. For our next activity, we were to go around the room and give encouraging words to each lady in the room. You didn’t have to know them personally, all you needed to know was their name, which was learned during meet and greet. My goal with this task was to just write the same thing on all of the sheets, but to my surprise it was almost like how dare I give each and every woman the same encouraging word. Even though, in my mind, it was a generic statement that I felt every adult woman would love to read or at least be able to see every day. Then I thought, would you want your sister or your friend to just feed you just generic words of encouragement out of a Hallmark card. I, also, was reminded of the reason why I enjoy these private encounters like this one. When Lady Tina and other ministry leaders I have met, who create safe spaces for their guests, have an event or encounter and I set my mind to attend, I’m going on purpose. I’m going to be encouraged, uplifted, pushed into my next level of growth. With this, I came to the conclusion that these encouraging words could not be just any unauthenticated words. They needed to be meaningful and hold weight for each and every person in the room. So, I grabbed my marker and went to work.

At the end of this assignment, we were able to take a moment, read all of those encouraging words from our sisters and then, it was time to face the mirror. We read what others seen in us on these sheets of paper, but then it was time to look into your own eyes and speak over yourself. I know for me, it’s easy to read and even hear people tell me about what they see, good or bad, or what God has shown them about me. Easy. But when I look into a mirror and face ME, flaws and all, seeing the things I show people and the things I hide, it’s hard. Even in this moment, I am still unpacking why it’s so hard for me to look at myself and tell myself how I feel about me. Crazy thing is, I really love me. Like, I really love myself, but why can’t I stare HER in the eyes and love on HER. I’m coming to a conclusion that IT’S BECAUSE I KNOW THE REAL. We may not want to admit it, but there are so many people in this world, including me, who can wear a façade like it’s a golden armor. It takes a lot, I know for me, to remove the façade and let people see the real and I do for those I am comfortable around. Since this encounter, I am growing through the task of looking in the mirror every chance I see one and tell myself how much I love her. Pray my strength. I’m a work in progress and I look forward to sharing that triumph with you once complete.

After my mirror experience, we were all given a pillow with our names on them and in that moment, we had “Pillow Talk” with our sisters. All who desired to had a moment to share how they felt in that safe space. It was a perfect lead up to the “Releasing of Hearts”. We all grabbed our markers and heart balloons tied to our seats and wrote what we were releasing in year 2024. My balloon was not filled but I put as much as I could think of in that moment. Amazingly enough, there is only one or two things I remember putting on this balloon. Next, we all took our balloons filled with what we were going to be releasing outside. After a liberating prayer, we released all of the balloons filled with issues we were holding onto, people, places, and things held close to our hearts. We let it all go and stood together as we watched each balloon follow suit in the same direction, never to return to us.

Each one of the guests were asked to bring a scarf to participate in an exchange. All the scarves were placed in the middle of the floor and each person picked one randomly and whoever’s you chose, you covered them with it and spoke encouraging words. It’s amazing how strategic this exchange went. Some exchanges were short and sweet, some were just a hug and private words, but there was one exchange that was monumental for me. There were two sisters who ended up choosing each other’s scarves. This exchange between sisters of endearing and uplifting words made me think of my own sisters, blood and God-given. We don’t get together as much as we should to embrace each other, but at the end of the day, we all know that if we have no one else or feel alone at any time, we will always have each other. Watching this exchange made me realize that I don’t tell my sisters enough how much they mean to me. I don’t tell them how much I value my relationships with them all as often as I should. Just like looking in that mirror to speak life into myself, I believe that speaking life into the people that I love is just as important, which gave me another life assignment.

This impactful encounter took days for me to soak in; from the gifts, to the activities, to the photo shoot, to the moving prayers between the activities, to the words of encouragement, all the way to the dismissal in the parking lot. Everything was needed. Things I learned: you don’t have to know a person personally to give them words of encouragement. When it comes from the heart, God gives the words that need to be spoken. Secondly, mirrors are important, along with trusting yourself and others enough to BE WHO YOU TRULY ARE. We have the power to change what we don’t like about ourselves and strengthen our weaknesses, but never let those facades that we put on for people or to even make you feel better about yourself stop you for LOVING YOU TRULY.

Lady Tina Armstrong has done an amazing job over the years I have known her bringing women together with lessons geared towards purpose, having a plan and mindset to live out the plans God has set for you. I have seen relationships form and grow through her events, planners, and prayers. I want to give a shout out to her and her AMAZING team. Each one of these women are not only backing the ministries and endeavors for each other, but they are, also, pushing their own ministries and doing incredible jobs. To all of those ladies, I salute you and keep up the great work! I see you, sis! Be Blessed.